My Apology

It's inevitable

My mouth

The trouble-maker

Getting me into

Sticky situations

Hurting those closest to me

Those I care for

Those who used to care for me

Before

The iron grip

I wish to have

On my tongue

Can never be strong enough

Can never hold the reigns

Turn the steed in the right direction

Away from danger

Ruin

Despair

Apologies

Never enough

Absolutely

The lamest

Most ridiculous

Excuses

There ARE no excuses

My mistakes

My words

Once set free

To roam the air

Seeking ears

Seeking minds

To contaminate

Always the same

A careless comment

Made in humour

Begins the slippery descent

The laughter becomes forced

Awkward

Regret

Never enough words to explain

Never enough time to retrace the steps

To reel it all back in

Take it all back

I know

The pain in my heart

The empty thud

In the pit of my stomach

Must

Be worse than the offense

You feel

Berating my stupidity

Utter lack of self-control

Complete human-ness

Repeated transgressions

The path walked so many times

Now familiar

Rutted by my heavy feet

I wish I could cry

I wish I could use my tears

Salted water

Wash away my shame

My guilt

Clean the slate

But all I have is another word

Completely inadequate

Yet somehow

Poetic justice

That a word is what I cling to

My life preserver

My last hope

Of forgiveness

Rests in a word

Yet to be spoken

Sorry

(June 29, 2009)

what a phone call!

So my best friend Kathryn and I have an interesting relationship. We love each other dearly and often go months without seeing or hearing from each other. I'll be kicking myself for not calling her, when I realize that she could have just as easily called me. When we finally get in touch, we fill in all the gaps and it's like we've never been apart. We are a lot a like. Our personalities fit very well. Even our husbands are alike, which speaks highly for the choices we both made. It's funny because I'll forget in the time gap how well she understands me until we talk. For example, I told her that Scott will be away from mid-June until the end of September. She said "oh, that's not bad." as opposed to the usual reaction... "Wow. that's a long time!" She knows the choices we make. During their second year of marriage, she and her husband lived in separate provinces and were only together on the weekends...sound familiar. The eerie, yet potentially exciting, part is that she may be moving to Ontario sometime next fall or winter...hmmm. that also sounds familiar. I would be the happiest woman in the world if I could end up moving half way across the country and just to end up within a few hours of Kat. *sniff* makes me teary just thinking about it. Another strange coincidence is that we both wrote-off our cars within three months of each other...mine had snow and hers didn't, but mine was repairable, hers was NOT. Oh, well. It's so nice to have someone with whom you can be completely comfortable. Who cares about you and what's going on in your life. And who you can cut through the preliminary explanations and get to the meat of the story, because you know the background for the story. I love catching up with Kat and my life is richer because of friends like her!