God's-Eye View

Of all the mysteries

Surrounding

Our creator

Our maker

The Lord of the Universe

The one mystery

That eludes me

Most often

Is the way

He seems to

Like

Me

Most days

I barely like

Myself

Tolerate

At best

My imperfections

Strides towards

Total self-destruction

My utter lack of will power

The inability to change

Anything

About myself

To paraphrase

St. Paul

What I want to do

I can’t manage to pull off

What I want to avoid

Seems to drag me into its path

Seems to surround me

All these failures

These terrible character traits

Seem to be enough

To push away

The friends and acquaintances

Who can’t stand loudmouths

Who judge my devotion to God

Who give me the once over

And cast me aside

Like a second from the factory

To be sold at a discount

To the lower classes

The friendless

Not the popular

Or the In crowd

It is no wonder

That my mirror

Is distorted

I see through their perceived

Eyes

No longer a true image

The flaws hide the beauty

No longer optimistic

Depressed thoughts

Drag me deeper

Into the abyss

Of self-criticism

How does the Maker

Feel about the disparagement

Of his masterpiece?

The quirks and imperfections

He so carefully chose

To compliment

The strengths

To build the character

Of his chosen child

His view is also distorted

He is colour blind

To the shades of

The outer shell

The masks

I wear

He sees only the

Heart

The inner beauty

The passions

Emotions

Intentions

Those I love

The traits I wish

I could show the world

I don’t need to hide

From Him

There would be

No point

He’d find me

I’m on His radar

He knows me best

Yet He still

Likes me

In spite of

Because of

The chinks

In my armour

That allow Him

To get inside

To move inside

My soft heart

My desire?

To see

Me

Through His eyes

To know me

Better

As He knows me

To one day

Like myself

The way God

Likes me

June 30, 2009

My Apology

It's inevitable

My mouth

The trouble-maker

Getting me into

Sticky situations

Hurting those closest to me

Those I care for

Those who used to care for me

Before

The iron grip

I wish to have

On my tongue

Can never be strong enough

Can never hold the reigns

Turn the steed in the right direction

Away from danger

Ruin

Despair

Apologies

Never enough

Absolutely

The lamest

Most ridiculous

Excuses

There ARE no excuses

My mistakes

My words

Once set free

To roam the air

Seeking ears

Seeking minds

To contaminate

Always the same

A careless comment

Made in humour

Begins the slippery descent

The laughter becomes forced

Awkward

Regret

Never enough words to explain

Never enough time to retrace the steps

To reel it all back in

Take it all back

I know

The pain in my heart

The empty thud

In the pit of my stomach

Must

Be worse than the offense

You feel

Berating my stupidity

Utter lack of self-control

Complete human-ness

Repeated transgressions

The path walked so many times

Now familiar

Rutted by my heavy feet

I wish I could cry

I wish I could use my tears

Salted water

Wash away my shame

My guilt

Clean the slate

But all I have is another word

Completely inadequate

Yet somehow

Poetic justice

That a word is what I cling to

My life preserver

My last hope

Of forgiveness

Rests in a word

Yet to be spoken

Sorry

(June 29, 2009)

Summer's Eve

The July sun
dips low
casting long shadows
o'er the thirsty flowers
faces turned west
yearning
for one last ray

Such a night!

The heat of the day
oppressive
demanding
melts into the cool of night
Breezes
fragrant with
fresh cut grass
chlorinated pool water
towering stalks of corn
Amalgamations
of a rural
existence

Such a night!


Neighbours
sit on porch swings
walk furry pets
chatting about the weather
the crops

safe
communal
conversation

The cares of the day
put aside
set with
the sweltering sun

Such a night!

Peaceful
not only
from traffic
and telephones

From stress
and anxiety

Tomorrow will come
better than today
no worries
urge it on

Such a night!

Pregnant with possibilities

The inconceivable
becomes
reality
of the future

no "ifs"
only "whens"

Life's puzzle pieces
once scattered
seem to fit
in place

recognition

an eye
a cloud
a tree
a window

A Night

Answers
not in words
or clear images

only a sense
a peace
a feeling of
life's perfect
united
destination

July 2008

Toby

In Memoriam March 2008


I walk across the living room
sidestepping
your sleeping frame
so I don't trip

I peel a carrot
an apple
a banana
holding a piece
in two fingers
over the open kitchen floor
before
I throw it
in the trash
no longer on a shelf
on the stairs
in a cupboard

I sweep the floor
once today
only once
no need for more

I sit on a chair
spotting the large plastic bowl
by the cupboard
a glimmer of water remains
half empty
or so it appears
to me

In my mind's ear
ticking across the floor
time for a trim
and by the smell
another bath
and a grocery bag
overstuffed
with a whitish fluff
better in the bag
than on the sofa
or my socks

My senses fool me
they were not prepared
your sudden absence
will not pass from
my eyes
my ears
my nose
through the many connections
to my brain

In my heart
you will never be gone
my senses will eventually
begin to work again
but there will always
be a home
where no one else
can understand
the golden fur
the thudding tail
the contented sigh
of my friend
my Toblerone


March 3, 2008

My Quilts

Well, since this blog is all about my creativity, I thought I would add a few pictures of my quilting accomplishments, since that is what primarily keeps me busy these days.

So in order of creation:

Blue Ocean Blanket (bob for short)
Designed by Scott
(Those are coast guard shoulder patches in the centre and the top is made from used jeans)
Finished: April 2007
Sewn for Scott and I (presented to him for his birthday) It's now used on our bed.
That's Casey, as a puppy, in the corner.
"Tied" Quilt

*update* This quilt is now torn apart, being rebuilt into a better and larger quilt, so that we will not be fighting over it all the time. I'll post new pics when I finish.




Deere Girl
Sunbonnet Sue Pattern
Made for Kyli-Anne Minney (my niece)
Given to her for Christmas 2007
Finished Nov. 2007
The border is john deere fabric
"in-the-ditch" quilted












Family Ties
Designed by Scott
Given to Vic and Viv Matheson for Christmas
Finished Dec 2007
(another denim quilt)
"tied" quilt







With This Ring
Design adapted from "Love's Promises"
Made for Jamie and Jimmy Cripps
for their wedding June 13, 2008
Started Feb 11, 2008
"free motion" quilted

It is difficult to see, but all the fabrics all have subtle patterns, so up close it makes a beautiful combination. Also, this is the first "free motion" quilting I have done. It turned out great! If you click on the picture, a larger image will come up and you can see the fabrics and the swirls of the quilting.



Hugs From Home
Made for My Grampie Baillie
Christmas 2008
Pattern: "my beloved scraps"
Rag quilt, free motion quilted patches
Made out of flannels. Perfect for his bed at the nursing home.
Separate binding

*update* My Grampie Baillie passed away June 12, 2009. His quilt was with him until the very end. My mother now keeps it at her house as a remembrance of him. It's wonderful to know that even though I couldn't be there in the end, I was there in the work of my hands.







Crazy Girly
Made for my little sister Sara
Christmas 2008
Pattern: self created, random 12 blocks.
Double batting for "puffy" look. Tied Quilt.
Cotton top, flannel back













Little Peepers
Made For my Nephew, James Minney Christmas 2009
Flannel from and back
Rag quilt style, no set pattern
Free Motion Quilted patches
Separate Binding










Sweet Pals
Made for my Niece, Katie Cripps
Christmas 2009
Flannel front and back
Rag quilt, no set pattern
Free motion quilted patches
Separate binding





Leave your comments, I hope you like them...


Jenn

Remembrance Day Poem

What We Lost

Standing in the wind

Shivering in the falling rain

Surrounded by uniforms

Decorated men and women

Solemn faces

Downcast eyes

How many lost?

Young men

Courage in their hearts

Fight for their beliefs

Their country

Their families

Futures lost

Young women

Nurture in their hearts

Mopping blood

From open wounds

Innocence lost

Mothers

Fathers

Sisters

Brothers

Wives

Husbands

Fear in their hearts

Bolster bravery

With letters and love

For heroes

Family lost

Communities

Celebrate valour

Parades and banners

Send off

Barbers

Carpenters

Bakers

Mechanics

Colleagues lost

God

Looks down

Conflict and war

Over pride

Greed

Selfishness

No uniform colours

No nationality

No sides

No right

No wrong

Precious children lost

We stand

And remember

What we lost

The tears on our cheeks

Blending with the gentle tears

From the sky

As God remembers

What we lost

November 11, 2007

Mountain Dulcimer

For Eric Angus Whyte and Rich Mullins

As the song is introduced

And the band

Gets ready

An image

From my dreams

Comes into view

My heart flutters

Double take

Could it be?

Are my eyes playing tricks?

My wondering

Cut short

By the intro bars

Sweetly harmonious

The sounds

That tug on my memory

The strings of my

Creative dreams

This Cape Breton musician

Connects to my

Musical past

A long wished for

Desired

Instrumental delight

As the hammers strike

Precisely tuned strings

Call forth an ancient

Artist

Could this talented musician

Possibly feel

The same connecting chords

As I?

After the music dies

I ask him

Mentioning a revered name

One that lights

A spark

A flame

In his eyes

A connection

Reaching across

Time

And space

Thru the love

Of music

Rich music

Brother and sister

Now

Not only to each other

To that artist

The link

The songwriter

Immortal lines

Living on

After his spirit

Has gone home

His legacy

In a small

Cape Breton town

Connecting

Kindred spirits

August 15, 2007

Down the Drain

The water pours over me

Rushing through my hair

Rivers running down my bare arms

Contained only by the enamel walls

Of the tiny tub

I close my eyes

The shower water blending

With my own tears

Hiding the shame

No guilt for breaking down here

Standing in the shower

Letting the water rush over me

Entirely

Trying to drown the day’s sorrows

My personal turmoil

In the hot, clear water

The haughty customer

The back-biting co-worker

The anxiety of the days to come

The sorrow at losing my family

Chains binding my heart

Weighing my every thought

I scrub now

Using soap

Shampoo

Body wash

Specialty deep cleaning products

Nothing reaches deep enough

My skin is raw

Pink and red

My fingers are tiny prunes

I cry from frustration now

Desperate

To be free

Suddenly

The stupid love songs running through my head

Stuck from repeated radio performances

Are replaced my a simple hymn

“Lord, send the rain”

I start singing out loud

The words pouring from my memory

Each verse building on the last

Until my tears choke the words in my throat

Tears of sweet relief

Overwhelmed

“He knows my name”

New words with pungent meaning

All the petty worries

The trite experiences

Seem insignificant in the light of this

Newly remembered

Never truly forgotten

Truth

Nothing they can do

Nothing I can do

Can change that

God loves me

Me

More deeply

More intensely

More completely

Than I can truly understand

These moments

When my voice is raised

In humble words

To an exalted King

These are the moments when my heart

Feels the most full

Connected with someone

Outside myself

Yet inside

I leave the tub

Watching my burdens

Swirl down the drain

August 12, 2007

Grandpa's Card

I found a card at my grandparents that I made for Grandpa's 58th birthday (1999). I liked the verse inside, so here it is

Grandpa

I found the perfect card for you.
I used some scissors, tape and glue.
Some parts were missing, ripped or torn,
A little bit ragged and somewhat worn.
When it was done, finished and through,
It kind of reminded me of You.
It wasn't perfect and far from new,
But it's better that way and
I love you!

Two Worlds

From clanging metal

To laughing children

From the power of a diesel

To the energy of a six-year old

From creations in steel and aluminum

To art in construction paper and popsicle sticks

Two separate and distinct worlds

Could not be more different

Yours takes you far away

To see vast oceans

And new coast lines

Listening to the repetitive chug

Of the engine room

Living in small quarters

On a large

Floating structure

Surrounded by water

Rising and falling with the waves

Tossed on the whim of the weather

Yet you love it

You love this job that takes you from me

You love that your hands

Can combine with your mind

And blend into skills

To form a lasting creation

One that can be admired

Useful

My world is smaller

My home is constant

There are people who depend on me

As others do you

But my dependants are little

More willing to show their appreciation

With a hug or a smile

(What Chief engineer would do that?)

My creations are not lasting or useful

They are beautiful for the moment

Handprints in paint

A flower made from coffee filters

Something to grace my world with color

And life

But they will be replaced

With new life

Changing life

My world is tossed about

By the growth of my children

Who change by the minute

With far less predictability

Than the weather

Whose emotions

Are young and sensitive

Still untainted by societies advocacy

For stoicism

My world will wait

As it always does

For your world to come back

To join my own

My world is constant

Yours is in flux

But is unchanging in its changeability

Constant in its rhythm

I do not desire to be in your world

As I know you do not desire to be in mine

But as we love each other

We admire each respective world

With awe and disbelief at the choices

Of our partner

Yet

It is these distinct worlds

Which reflect our personalities

And abilities

Drawing these opposites

Into a more complex

Relationship

With weaknesses overcome

And strengths celebrated

A Larger and fuller world

Than either has the ability to create

Alone

July 22, 2007

Someday

For Kyli-Anne

Tiny fingers grasp

Someday they will create a masterpiece

Tiny feet wiggle

Someday they will run a marathon

Tiny eyes follow

Someday they will see a million stars

Tiny ears listen

Someday they will hear an unwritten symphony

Tiny lips pucker

Someday they will kiss away another’s hurt

Tiny child thinks

Someday she will know the mysteries of the universe

But for now

In this moment

She is lying in my arms

A tiny miracle

My own piece of

Someday

July 2007

Rumination on Birthdays

There is a single day in the year which is just like any other in character. The sun rises. It sets. The weather can vary from sunny to cloudy to rainy to snow. Time passes at the same rate as any other day. The people of the world go about their business in the same way they always do, completely oblivious to the significance of this twenty-four hour period.

On this day twelve, twenty-nine, fifty-six years ago a new person was added to our world. Someone who would become a mother, a sister, a doctor, a cashier, a thief. This day is directly connected to the significance of that life. Without this day, that person would not exist. Would not be able to leave their fingerprints on the lives of the rest of earth’s occupants.

To some, birthdays are a hassle. The day reminds them that they are one day closer to death. For those people, it is easier to ignore the day of their entrance into the world than to acknowledge how long it has been since that moment.

To others, it is a milestone. What child does not dream of turning thirteen and finally being able to be called a teenager. Those magic numbers that signify that time is passing and others will now recognize how mature and responsible they have always believed themselves to be.

Some view birthdays as a time to set aside the day-to-day struggles of living and enjoy themselves.” The crazy party or the expensive present to myself are all ok because it’s my birthday! I deserve a little break once a year.” Children look forward to all the presents and the parties that come with reaching each new birthday. They plan months in advance.

When my birthday comes, it’s not the party or the presents that are important. Certainly, I love to receive presents, but not for the reasons you may think. I love to get presents, no matter the value, because it tells me that I have left a mark on someone’s life and they are thankful for my birth. A thoughtful phone call or email shows that someone was thinking about me even if I wasn’t around and that they want to brighten up my day. It is the friends and family that I am thankful to have gathered over the passing years that make my birthday special.

I take the opportunity on my birthday to send some appreciation to God for the past year and all of the successes and failures I may have faced; that I was able to learn and grow and live a little more. I also look forward to the next year and wonder, with a sense of expectation, what I will be thankful for this time next year. Will I have new friends? Will anyone remember my special day? What will I know that I don’t know now? Each birthday I pray for the strength to face each new challenge in the coming year with faith, strength and optimism, trusting that God will bring me through to another birthday with even more to be thankful for.

So that is where you will find me on my next birthday. If you stop in, be sure to bring along a homemade card and I might share with you some cake and my newly acquired experience.

July 15, 2007