The water pours over me
Rushing through my hair
Rivers running down my bare arms
Contained only by the enamel walls
Of the tiny tub
I close my eyes
The shower water blending
With my own tears
Hiding the shame
No guilt for breaking down here
Standing in the shower
Letting the water rush over me
Entirely
Trying to drown the day’s sorrows
My personal turmoil
In the hot, clear water
The haughty customer
The back-biting co-worker
The anxiety of the days to come
The sorrow at losing my family
Chains binding my heart
Weighing my every thought
I scrub now
Using soap
Shampoo
Body wash
Specialty deep cleaning products
Nothing reaches deep enough
My skin is raw
Pink and red
My fingers are tiny prunes
I cry from frustration now
Desperate
To be free
Suddenly
The stupid love songs running through my head
Stuck from repeated radio performances
Are replaced my a simple hymn
“Lord, send the rain”
I start singing out loud
The words pouring from my memory
Each verse building on the last
Until my tears choke the words in my throat
Tears of sweet relief
Overwhelmed
“He knows my name”
New words with pungent meaning
All the petty worries
The trite experiences
Seem insignificant in the light of this
Newly remembered
Never truly forgotten
Truth
Nothing they can do
Nothing I can do
Can change that
God loves me
Me
More deeply
More intensely
More completely
Than I can truly understand
These moments
When my voice is raised
In humble words
To an exalted King
These are the moments when my heart
Feels the most full
Connected with someone
Outside myself
Yet inside
I leave the tub
Watching my burdens
Swirl down the drain
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1 comment:
Jennifer-Rose... you leave me speechless. The emotions you evoked were so strong, they were almost overwhelming. The times when the Lord reaches out to us in our despair and gives us a song... they are miracles. You have beautifully and poignantly put into words what many of us experience but cannot express. Thank You,
Aunt Roz
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