Tuesday, June 30, 2009

God's-Eye View

Of all the mysteries

Surrounding

Our creator

Our maker

The Lord of the Universe


The one mystery

That eludes me

Most often

Is the way

He seems to

Like

Me


Most days

I barely like

Myself

Tolerate

At best

My imperfections

Strides towards

Total self-destruction

My utter lack of will power

The inability to change

Anything

About myself


To paraphrase

St. Paul

What I want to do

I can’t manage to pull off

What I want to avoid

Seems to drag me into its path

Seems to surround me


All these failures

These terrible character traits

Seem to be enough

To push away

The friends and acquaintances

Who can’t stand loudmouths

Who judge my devotion to God

Who give me the once over

And cast me aside

Like a second from the factory

To be sold at a discount

To the lower classes

The friendless

Not the popular

Or the In crowd


It is no wonder

That my mirror

Is distorted

I see through their perceived

Eyes

No longer a true image

The flaws hide the beauty

No longer optimistic

Depressed thoughts

Drag me deeper

Into the abyss

Of self-criticism


How does the Maker

Feel about the disparagement

Of his masterpiece?

The quirks and imperfections

He so carefully chose

To compliment

The strengths

To build the character

Of his chosen child


His view is also distorted

He is colour blind

To the shades of

The outer shell

The masks

I wear


He sees only the

Heart

The inner beauty

The passions

Emotions

Intentions

Those I love

The traits I wish

I could show the world


I don’t need to hide

From Him

There would be

No point

He’d find me

I’m on His radar


He knows me best

Yet He still

Likes me

In spite of

Because of

The chinks

In my armour

That allow Him

To get inside

To move inside

My soft heart


My desire?

To see

Me

Through His eyes

To know me

Better

As He knows me

To one day

Like myself

The way God

Likes me


June 30, 2009

Monday, June 29, 2009

My Apology

It's inevitable

My mouth

The trouble-maker

Getting me into

Sticky situations

Hurting those closest to me

Those I care for

Those who used to care for me

Before


The iron grip

I wish to have

On my tongue

Can never be strong enough

Can never hold the reigns

Turn the steed in the right direction

Away from danger

Ruin

Despair


Apologies

Never enough

Absolutely

The lamest

Most ridiculous

Excuses

There ARE no excuses


My mistakes

My words

Once set free

To roam the air

Seeking ears

Seeking minds

To contaminate


Always the same

A careless comment

Made in humour

Begins the slippery descent

The laughter becomes forced

Awkward


Regret

Never enough words to explain

Never enough time to retrace the steps

To reel it all back in

Take it all back


I know

The pain in my heart

The empty thud

In the pit of my stomach

Must

Be worse than the offense

You feel


Berating my stupidity

Utter lack of self-control

Complete human-ness

Repeated transgressions

The path walked so many times

Now familiar

Rutted by my heavy feet


I wish I could cry

I wish I could use my tears

Salted water

Wash away my shame

My guilt

Clean the slate


But all I have is another word

Completely inadequate

Yet somehow

Poetic justice

That a word is what I cling to

My life preserver

My last hope

Of forgiveness

Rests in a word

Yet to be spoken


Sorry


(June 29, 2009)